Today I am really struggling with hormones! I’ve always suffered from PMT and have had bouts of depression so I often feel like I’m on a rollercoaster of emotions. Today is not a good day, and as I get older my hormones seem to be doing more loop the loops. Every month I wonder if this is the start of the menopause. Who knows!
I was fine first thing morning, but as the day has gone on I’ve become more and more angry and would very much like to scream or cry, or both. Nothing has set me off, Monkey has had a few moments but nothing particularly challenging. I feel like a coiled spring ready to explode at any moment. Why? I hate not being in control of my own emotions and that’s how it feels – I’m not in control, why am I angry, why do I want to cry, why do I want to scream. The more I feel like this, the more wound up I get – not good. Had to check my diary earlier (yes I do date my cycle – it’s the organiser in me coming out again!) I’m halfway through the month, this feeling seems to be starting earlier and earlier. Is this what I have to look forward to in the years ahead? Hormones, hormones, hormones 🙁
I check the internet for signs of the menopause – can I check things off the list? Well, not really, apart from how I’m feeling right now I don’t have any other ‘symptoms’. I know Mum suffered terribly with night sweats – that’s something to look forward to – not.
So hopefully I’ll feel better tomorrow, maybe it’s just been a busy week, with a bad back and no support from Daddy P all week. Maybe I just have to accept that this is how I will feel every month until my body decides what’s next for me to face. That’s not easy to accept when you are a control freak. Or perhaps I’m just feeling sorry for myself and you, poor readers, are having to endure me droning on.
Now to take my aggression out on the dinner!!