I feel as if I’ve got a sign above my head at the moment that says ‘feel free to dump freely all over me’. Everything that can break is breaking, along with the bank balance. My hormones are all over the place, the joys of edging ever closer to the big ‘M’ I suppose. To top it all off, I’ve put weight on that I just can’t shift. Don’t roll your eyes, but we all know our own bodies, and trust me, from my waist downwards there’s clearly been too much indulgence that just wants to hang around. When you go to put on your favourite summer trousers and they refuse to budge past half way up your thighs, it it not a good day. Not in anyone’s books. This is not what I need two weeks before Portugal, not what I need when I’m feeling rather grey, or blue, or a mixture of the two. But then I have Monkey and the smile that makes it all worth while.
Bless him, he was so excited to go to Beavers after school today. He’d had his hair cut, ate all his dinner with no dawdling or moaning and just could not wait to get into his uniform, badges and all. The smile says it all.
The smile that makes it all worth while, the smile that shows me that my little boy is growing up and that no matter what, I am loved, and he is happy. I worry, like most parents about my abilities to be a good Mum, am I giving enough, listening enough, being tough when I need to be, not being too soft. Do I help to make him happy, and support him to be the best that he can be.
Was I being that pushy parent, signing him up for Beavers without much discussion. Would it all blow up in my face, like the swimming lessons did. I’m still so terribly gutted, that a year on, he still can’t be persuaded to try lessons again. But, we may only be 5 weeks in on our Beavers journey, but I think we may have a break through. A change in Monkey, a little, quiet confidence that he can try something new, with new people, without me, and it can be ok. In fact, more than ok, it can be fun, really good fun, and I’ve heard the mention of ‘friends’, on more than one occasions.
Tonight at Beavers a couple of lovely things happened, that brightened a rather rubbish day. Monkey left my side as soon as the Cubs and Beavers were called, Bye Mummy, see you later. Not a moment of doubt or anxiety. A little wow moment.
The smile that makes it all worth while as I walked out of the hall. A vindication that starting Beavers was a good thing. I’d got it right.
It was the Scout Group’s AGM after the Beavers sessions, and whilst I joined other parents to find out what’s been happening within the group, Monkey and other Beavers were being entertained with the Cubs. It meant it was going to be a late night as Beavers doesn’t finish til 7pm anyway, Monkey’s normal bedtime. I thought that they were all being remarkably quiet in the anti-room, little did I know that they’d been taken to the park.
I emerged from the meeting to see him with lots of other children and his new best friend Penguin. The smile that makes it all worth while shone brightly and as soon as he saw me, he sprinted into my arms. Not unhappy, the exact opposite. Happy, beaming, full of everything he’d been doing. He’d had a great time, and was so animated, even though it was way past bedtime.
Sometimes I find it very easy to get sucked into the things that aren’t going right. To not be able to see the light, in a very dark tunnel. Sometimes I just need to look at that face, that smile, and realise that he’s all that’s really important.
I’ve even heard from school that Monkey’s joining in more, talking a lot more in group scenarios, offering opinions, talking. Talking.
The smile that makes it all worth while was so very much-needed today. My son, my beautifully, funny, Monkey of a son, who’s truly enjoying life and having fun.