I’m writing this post with a heavy heart, and felt exactly the same when I sent an email earlier in the week calling time on Cubs. My son has decided he doesn’t want to continue with Cubs and no amount of persuasion or cajoling from me has worked to change his mind. As you all know, it’s always a struggle to get him to go back to Cubs after any school holiday. He had an extra week off after this Christmas break because of the way the term panned out, and I wasn’t well the first week back, so his Dad took him, and then he seemed ok.
But last week he wasn’t happy about going, I thought he was just playing me up, as I’m Mum, and the one who always gets the grief. We got there, and he made it plainly clear that he was not going to let me go home without taking him too. He was not going to stay. Even when he was told that they’d be making soup, he couldn’t be persuaded. He was calling time on Cubs, I still wasn’t well and just didn’t have the energy to fight to try to keep him there. We came home and he went to bed, so I thought perhaps he was just coming down with something.
Over the last week I’ve tried everything to try to persuade him to stay. We’ve talked about the things that he does enjoy, and those he doesn’t. I’ve suggested sticking with it until Easter and then making a decision, but he’s not having any of it. We’ve talked about his badge work and how hard he’s worked to get them.
It’s such a shame. As you all know, my son isn’t a sports fan, so there’s no chance of him trying any sports related activity. I’d thought from the early days of Beavers, that he’d found his place.
Yes, he’s always been incredibly shy, and he’s never really made a good buddy at either Beavers or Cubs. But as an outdoors type of boy, I honestly thought he’d thrive at Cubs and would embrace all it had to offer. But it seems he doesn’t agree.
I’m mindful that I need to stop talking and start listening more. Although trying to get my son to articulate what he’s really thinking about things isn’t always easy. But we’ve given Beavers and Cubs a good try over the few years. He’s been in Cubs a year now, and if he’s decided that he really isn’t enjoying it then I don’t want to make him go. It then turns into a pointless exercise.
Would I like him to socialise more – yes, would I like him to try new things – yes. But he’s a nine-year old boy who’s quite happy in his own company. He’s happy to be at home building his Lego empire. It’s time for me to listen more and let him lead the way, as much as I might disagree.
So that’s it, he’s calling time on Cubs and I sent an email to his leader on Monday afternoon telling him the situation and thanking him and the rest of the team for their support and encouragement over the course of the last two years. Seeing my son enjoying himself at Cub Camp will stay in my memory for a long time, and I hope at some point my son will see what he achieved and be proud of himself.
If anyone has any ideas for something else we could look at trying, I’m all ears!
This resonated with me hugely, as my 11 yr old daughter gave up scouts this week. Having been there since the beginning, and because she is home educated with her sister (her brothers were too but they are working now!) I loved her having an outlet that didn’t include me, so she could have her friends still and be a part of something, but while my youngest absolutely counts the sleeps until Beavers, my Roxy just wants to play her computer, write her stories, and draw!
I would worry about this, but I know myself and my younger brother were penalised as kids for not being social, sporty, nor did we fit into any of the slots other kids seemed to manage so easily, we loved our own company, my brother loved making huge worlds out of his Lego, while I would draw and write for hours on end.
I had a talk with my daughter and she told me that she just knew she didn’t belong there, she said she would smile, and join in with the others, but deep down, she was a home bird, and wanted to be close at home doing what she loved best.
I asked her if she would miss her friends if she left. ‘Nah! I’m happy here!’
I listened, and this was a couple of weeks ago, and she’s happy as larry! I hope your lovely boy is too. xxx
Thank you for writing this, you’ve made me feel so much better about it all. I have a home bird, one day he’ll fly the nest won’t he, so I really should just embrace him wanting to be here. xx
Sad times, but even my brother who was the most social of all children didn’t get on with cubs (whereas I was quieter and shy but loved Brownies and Guides). I’m sure over the years to come Monkey will find something else to try, and if he doesn’t it’s just one of those things. Did he want to try another musical instrument? Does his school have any lunchtime clubs? Ours does Lego/construction club – although less so nowadays, and photography club, forest school and loads of other clubs which offer something for both kids who love being in groups and those who prefer singular activities.
N himself is quite picky about certain clubs – he’ll happily give up his lunchtime for certain clubs, but then won’t try ones out of school I think he’d love. He’s really musical and loves playing the piano at home, recorder at school, and being in choir, but I can’t get him to try learning an instrument which I’m gutted about.
He won’t do anything at lunchtime – that’s for playing with his friends. They have a range of after school clubs, but he’s very much a 3.15 is home time kind of boy. He enjoyed the violin but as soon as it was the end of their free year, he was happy to stop even when I offered to pay for lessons. He just isn’t fussed by any of it really.
Oh no! That is such a shame. You and your boy gave it a good try though.
He’s only 9 so there is plenty of time for socialising. My youngest came right out of her shell when she joined secondary school and there are plenty of after school clubs for her to join in with. I know secondary school is a few years off for your boy but if he’s happy in his own company for now just go with it.
I know Kim, I’m gutted but he’s happy
You can drag a boy to cubs but you cant make him stay………I totally agree that we need to listen and learn from them as individuals.
I am sure when he finds something he wants to do he will go off happily.
fingers crossed
I think for some kids, other activities are more interesting or attractive, sometimes it’s just the mix.
One thought – based on my experience as a leader of cubs and beavers – have you thought about swapping groups?
Our group is a Sea Scouts group which means lots of sailing during the summer, but in the winter it can be mostly indoors. For some of our livelier boys, it’s just not been a good match. But there’s another group locally that’s much more energetic, a bit less strict on behaviour, and they tend to play different sorts of games. We’ve also found the group in the next small town across has an entirely different feel again, they’re ALL about camping and making stoves and roughing it.
Perhaps you could have a chat with the leader and see what she recommends, based on seeing your boy at cubs, she might have an idea of the sort of group that would work for him? Ultimately though, if they’re not having fun, they’re not having fun! You can always have the option of going back and trying again when he gets to scout age.
I think for right now, we’re just going to have a break. I’m seeing a friend next week whose son goes to a different group so I’m going to get a feel for what they do and then see if would like to see for himself. Hopefully in time he’ll realise what a great opportunity being in the movement is for trying new things