disclosure: I have been compensated for this post
Today I am really struggling with hormones! I’ve always suffered from PMT and have had bouts of depression so I often feel like I’m on a rollercoaster of emotions. Today is not a good day, and as I get older my hormones seem to be doing more loop the loops. Every month I wonder if this is the start of menopause. Who knows!
I was fine first thing morning, but as the day has gone on I’ve become angrier and angrier and would very much like to scream or cry, or both. Nothing has set me off, my son has had a few moments but nothing particularly challenging. I feel like a coiled spring ready to explode at any moment. Why? I hate not being in control of my own emotions and that’s how it feels – I’m not in control, why am I angry, why do I want to cry, why do I want to scream. The more I feel like this, the more wound up I get – not good. Had to check my diary earlier (yes I do date my cycle – it’s the organiser in me coming out again!) I’m halfway through the month, this feeling seems to be starting earlier and earlier. Is this what I have to look forward to in the years ahead? Hormones, hormones, hormones 🙁
I check the internet for signs of menopause – can I check things off the list? Well, not really, apart from how I’m feeling right now I don’t have any other ‘symptoms’. I know Mum suffered terribly with night sweats – that’s something to look forward to – not.
So hopefully I’ll feel better tomorrow, maybe it’s just been a busy week, with a bad back and no support from Daddy P all week. Maybe I just have to accept that this is how I will feel every month until my body decides what’s next for me to face. That’s not easy to accept when you are a control freak. Or perhaps I’m just feeling sorry for myself and you, poor readers, are having to endure me droning on.
Mental health is something we don’t talk about enough. One thing I learned when I was coming to terms with depression is that talking is key. It was such a relief to discover that I wasn’t alone and that others knew exactly how I was feeling. The blog is now another way for me to share that it’s ok to not be ok, and it’s really ok to talk about it all. I’ve not tried counselling myself but I do have friends who’ve found it really useful, and BetterHelp offers a great resource for individuals, couples and for those looking for support for their teenagers. They offer support and experienced therapists for those struggling in challenging circumstances and with mental health.
You never know when you might need help, but please reach out and talk to someone.