Mumsnet miscarriage cares

Miscarriage Care Campaign #miscarriagecare

Mumsnet miscarriage cares I suffered a miscarriage in April 2011, it broke my heart as it firmly put a line under Monkey having a brother or sister.  It was traumatic, it went on for a couple of weeks to ‘finally’ lose the baby.  I think about my Poppy all the time.

In my mind, any miscarriage is a great loss, every family that experiences that loss should be shown some compassion.  It’s not nice, its tragic, no matter how early on that loss occurs.  I started bleeding a couple of days before my 12 week scan.  I made the mistake of starting to bleed on a Saturday – how inconvenient.  I rang 111 and waited for someone to call me back, I waited hours, I was in tears.  Perhaps I should have gone to A&E, but I wasn’t dying was I.  so I didn’t.  I waited and waited and in the end I rang my Doctors’ out of hours service.  I should have done that first.  But you are told to ring 111.  Anyway, I got a call back, it can be quite normal, don’t worry, book an appointment to see a Doctor on Monday and they’ll refer you for a scan.

A weekend of bleeding, of not knowing, of hoping, of crying.  Monday and an appointment with the Doctor.  Sure it’s all ok, but we’ll book you in for a scan on Wednesday. Wednesday. Home, distraught, in tears. Wednesday, no longer feeling pregnant, knowing in my heart, going to a normal scanning clinic, trying hard to be bright and breezy. Being asked to do a wee sample, it was tinged with blood, so distressing.  Test showed positive, test was hormones ultimately lying to me.

Scan, we had Monkey with us, bad mistake. No heartbeat, have you got your dates right? Anyone who knows me knows what a silly question that is.  Yes I am sure.  Uum, well it can be normal not to see a heartbeat if you are only X weeks pregnant, the sack is a good shape.  I knew I was further down the line. I knew it was over.

We were taken to a side room, only because I was so upset and said I couldn’t go back to the main waiting room. We were left in that room for absolutely ages.  Left with a 2-year-old, a husband who had no idea what was going on and me, knowing.

Finally we were seen by a doctor, we want you to come back in a week for another scan. Why are you so upset?  His exact words.  It could all be fine, there is hope.  I knew there wasn’t.  So off we went, another week of bleeding, bleeding a bit more every day, watching my baby disappear.

This time I went prepared with a wee sample, silly me, it was full of blood.  It wasn’t needed, but you hope, you pray.  No heartbeat, sac not a good shape.   Back to a side room, a quicker visit from the Doctor.  Let nature take it’s course, tablets or procedure.  I was drained, I can’t tell you how it feels to bleed like that every day.  I want the procedure.  I want it here at the local hospital I know.  Well, it’s a national holiday because of the Royal Wedding on Friday, we can’t fit you in here, but you can go to the city hospital then.  Ok, somewhere I hate, but never mind.  I wanted it over.  But if you start bleeding profusely call us straight away.

Well in the end, nature did take it’s course.  That night I bled so heavily Daddy P rang the local hospital, bring her straight in to A&E.  The nurse was lovely, she made me feel that it wasn’t just something that happens to a huge number of woman, it was happening to me.  I was taken into another side room, the original doctor saw me, examined me, gave me pads.  We’ll keep checking on you, but it looks as if you’ve now fully lost the baby.

We still had Monkey with us, the joys of not having my parents here.  It was breakfast time.  Daddy P took him off to find something to eat.  Hours later I was moved to the main ward.  On one side was a geriatric old lady, opposite a youngster with a whole hoard of family.  I hadn’t been allowed a drink at all, finally they put me on a drip, I was dehydrated.  I distraught and wanted to be able to cry in peace.  Wallow, yes wallow. Hard to do on a main ward.  Daddy P and Monkey went home, there was no point in them being there all day.  Not the place for a 2 year old.

You need to keep walking around the ward, with your drip stand, we need to see if you are still bleeding.  You can walk up to the day room.  Oh yes, I still remember that walk.  I felt like I had a neon sign on my head -failure, defective, not really ill.

I got to watch the Royal Wedding at home.  My dream of having Poppy was over.  All I have left of my dream is my blue NHS folder.  I can’t bring myself to let that go, even now.  I know that people go through far greater loss.  To give birth and lose the baby, to have a still birth.  I can’t imagine the heartache that brings.

Like so many other women in this country I have gone through a miscarriage and I am wholeheartedly supporting the Mumsnet Miscarriage Care Campaign. I don’t want other women to wait longer than 24 hours for a scan, I don’t want other women to sit in a normal scan clinic.  I want other women to be treated with a little more care and thought.

You can help too – have a look at the Mumsnet Miscarriage Care Campaign page to see who you can tweet/email.  Share your experiences.  You can also watch this beautifully made video to support the campaign.



25 thoughts on “Miscarriage Care Campaign #miscarriagecare

  1. I’m so sorry this happened. What an awful experience. I hope that by sharing these stories it does indeed encourage people to join the campaign and help change things for the better.

    1. You hear people go through far more traumatic things in their lives, but for me it was awful. Anything that can make a very sad experience easier to bear has to be a good thing, and I really hope this campaign can help.

  2. Such a sad post to read Mary. Having been through a miscarriage myself, I can understand the feeling that you have failed. I too had some Doctors say things to me that I felt were a bit insensitive at the time but I think sometimes they just don’t really know what to say, especially if it is a male Doctor. It doesn’t matter how far gone you are, losing a baby is losing a baby and that is tough.

  3. Oh Mary it seems April 2011 was a bad month for us both.
    I too lost my daughter Keira on 04/04/11. I had her at just over 23 weeks. My tiny 1lb miracle lived a whole 10 hours before passing in my arms and flying up to heaven.

    Unfortunately that was not the end of my bad luck. I was pregnant soon after (unplanned) things seemed ok until the 20 week scan and no heartbeat. Had to endure labour knowing I would not be taking another baby home.

    The thing that got to me the most was that I was put on a ward near other pregnant women and new mums. The second time I spent recovery on the delivery ward which made it ten times worse. I felt I was given little compassion like I didn’t matter to them.

    Luckily my next pregnancy was fine and I now have Izebella.
    I will never forget the two that didn’t make

  4. Oh Mary. I’m so sorry to read this. I know so many women who have suffered miscarriage and it’s something that gets brushed off I think. I can’t imagine what you went through. Sending love xxx

  5. Not domething I eould wish on any woman or family, and how horrid to have been treated with so little thought. I will be supporting the campaign for you and all that have lost little angels.

  6. Mary, thank you for sharing this, it must have been hard to writ e it down. Sorry for your loss. I don’t think that any loss of a baby at any stage should be treated as any less important and there should be appropriate aftercare, appropriate facilities for the tests and scans.

    Great campaign that I will support. Xx

  7. I’m so sorry to read about your experience, it’s so brave of you to share it here and I hope that other going through something similar and able to gain support from it xx

  8. Sorry to hear this Mary 🙁 I didn’t know. So sorry for your loss, I’m sure things are not made any easier by the insensitive way hospitals are handling it, it’s definitely an important campaign to highlight

  9. So sorry this happened to you Mary but it is great you are able to talk about it so openly and help others. It sounds like you had a really awful experience at the hospital, I am shocked that they left you for a week to check again. I am very lucky not to have been through anything like this myself, however, it is an issue close to me as I have many friends and family that have suffered. My poor cousin had around 10 miscarriages before going on to have two beautiful children.

  10. It was heart breaking to read this. I am so sorry that you experienced such awful care. A miscarriage is a truly traumatic event in so many ways – emotionally, physically and mentally. Women going through it deserve to be treated with compassion and respect. But too often they are treated with derision and a lack of empathy. I had a similar experience with a male consultant who was flippant and found my need for answers laughable. I really hope that this hugely worthwhile campaign means that women who are going through this hideous experience in the future receive the care they need and deserve. Sorry – rant ended. xxx

  11. This is just awful. I cannot imagine having to wait a weekend to find out if I had miscarried my baby or not. I hope this campaign makes a real difference to the care women receive. Sadly, early miscarriage is often overlooked. Only people who have experienced the pain of one themselves, really GET just how awful an experience it is, I think. The memory of which stays with us forever x

    1. It was only afterwards that I truly realised just how unacceptable it all was. At the time I was just in a daze. Yes, you’re right, unless you have experienced it, you really don’t get it. Not at all. Let’s hope change is around the corner x

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